dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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