Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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