He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
