I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
