I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
