he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
