i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
