i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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