is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
