can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
