She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
