If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
