thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
