you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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