chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.