Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.