Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood