so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
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Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
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Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time