You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it