I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with