I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
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I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.