Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu

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  (805): she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu http://tfl.nu/ucad
  Replies (12) Good night (7176) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Why did you take off so early

  (224): View more from Illinois

  No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.

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  (847): Why did you take off so early (224): No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know. http://tfl.nu/xucj
  Replies (7) Good night (4426) Bad night (397)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.

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  (715): i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick. http://tfl.nu/ongn
  Replies (27) Good night (6279) Bad night (833)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.

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  (517): the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one. http://tfl.nu/7m6s
  Replies (24) Good night (884) Bad night (7641) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back

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  (970): Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back http://tfl.nu/pd0y
  Replies (10) Good night (4777) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch

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  (678): My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch http://tfl.nu/nghk
  Replies (11) Good night (3568) Bad night (1248) Order T-Shirt
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  (830): View more from Texas

  Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas

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  (830): Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas http://tfl.nu/3mgi
  Replies (9) Good night (864) Bad night (2763) Order T-Shirt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today

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  (605): You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today http://tfl.nu/jljr
  Replies (4) Good night (2438) Bad night (901)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.

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  (770): She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking. http://tfl.nu/77kz
  Replies (9) Good night (2933) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.

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  (207): Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level. http://tfl.nu/8m2b
  Replies (3) Good night (2219) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"

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  (305): She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered" http://tfl.nu/7vwf
  Replies (3) Good night (1878) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.

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  (901): She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid. http://tfl.nu/lor2
  Replies (3) Good night (973) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....

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  (708): Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts.... http://tfl.nu/shwj
  Replies (11) Good night (636) Bad night (2272) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.

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  (757): I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know. http://tfl.nu/rhaa
  Replies (1) Good night (708) Bad night (238) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time

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  (803): If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time http://tfl.nu/10i6
  Replies (3) Good night (735) Bad night (156) Order T-Shirt

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