Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait