but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
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Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
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I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.