Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Moan for me like Helen Keller
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
