btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
