Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
