Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
