He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
