Betty ford says i'm here all night
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
