the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
