If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
