The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
