My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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