Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just found puke in my bra..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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