omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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