I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
