I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
