All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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