zippers are such a cool invention
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
