hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
