I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
