Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize