let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
