Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
