I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
