How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
