I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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