she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
