i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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