Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I AM VODKA MAN
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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