Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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