I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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