Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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