you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
