Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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