I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
