Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
