Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
