Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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