Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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