Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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