had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize