Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
