What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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