I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
