If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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