You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
