Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
