i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
