just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
