I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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