it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
