i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
