Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
