Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Houston, we have a blender
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
