there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
