There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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