he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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