I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
